Being an Urhobo woman from Delta State, Nigeria, I was raised with a deep awareness of what is considered taboo within our culture. These are lines you’re simply not supposed to cross, topics left unspoken, actions deemed too bold, too rebellious, or even dishonorable. But I’ve also learned something else: having an open eye, a mind that questions and a spirit that refuses to be caged, can save your life, literally and emotionally.
One of the most culturally unorthodox steps an Urhobo woman can take is "the return of bride price". In our tradition, bride price is not just a symbolic gesture during a marriage ceremony. It is a sacred exchange, one that legally and spiritually seals a woman to her husband and his family. Returning it is often seen as DISGRACEFUL or even SHAMEFUL, especially after many years of marriage. It’s almost whispered about, rarely discussed publicly, and almost never celebrated.
But I’m changing that NARRATIVE for me.
After years of being married, enduring more than I care to detail here and realizing that the union was no longer a place of safety, joy, or growth, I chose to return the bride price.
That act, while simple in process, was monumental in meaning. It wasn’t just about tradition;
it was about FREEDOM.
For me, that moment was LIBERATION. It meant I was no longer bound to a situation that suffocated me. It meant I had stepped out of a lineage of silence and chosen to do what my maternal ancestors possibly couldn’t. I didn’t just walk away, I unshackled myself. Now, I am free.
Free to choose love on my own terms, or to remain single and whole.
Free to rebuild, to redefine, and to reclaim my voice.
People have called me names. The bold one. The black sheep. The rebel. And maybe I am, but I wear those titles with pride. Because staying in an abusive or gaslighting relationship just to avoid cultural shame isn’t bravery, it’s bondage.
And I choose freedom.
To some, this may still feel like a taboo topic. But I’m not afraid to talk about it. In fact, I’ll keep talking until other women know that they, too, have a choice.
They, too, can walk away and start again. If no one else has said it to you, let me be the first: You’re not a disgrace. You’re courageous.
So yes, the return happened. The exchange was made. And I am so glad it did.
I’m drinking to that. Cheers to liberation, to growth, to unlearning and relearning.
And yes, I’ll say it first so you don’t have to!
Tell me congratulations.
Because I earned it!!!!
xoxo
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Congratulations friendie. You deserve happiness. Let's toast to greatness and freedom. Cheers 🥂